the pain of school

What I call my morning of distractions began at 8:35 am as I walked out of my girls' school after dropping them off for the first day of school. In order to keep the tears from flowing as I greeted fellow moms who were milling around talking and wondering what to do next, I began to force my mind to focus on what was next in my morning...laundry (isn't there always laundry to do?), the dishes weren't done yet, maybe we could go to the library, I can make cookies for the girls. The first day of school is always a tough one for me and it surprisingly isn't getting any easier. It is a day of contrasts as I look at my kids--they look so old and proud when I take their pictures and then when I drop them off they look so very young and scared and innocent. Early this morning I allowed myself to ponder exactly why this morning every year was so very difficult. I determined that at the root of it was what my kids would learn and the pain that would be associated with it. Oh, I'm not talking about math, reading, or even science. I can combat evolution with the best of them and help my kids learn how to read and learn their addition and subtraction good enough to ace any time test. I'm talking about learning life lessons and hopefully growing in their relationship with God as they learn. They will experience pain and it will probably be deep pain. They will experience broken friendships, unfair teachers, sickness, loneliness, and horrible fear. They've both already experienced some of it even while they prepared for the first day of school--especially that fear one. As a mom I'm not sure that there is anything worse then watching your kids that you would die for experience any of that stuff. My natural instinct is to hide them and shelter them from all that this world can do to cause pain. And, yet, the Lord has taught me how much that is necessary for them to grow into adults that He can use in a mighty, mighty way. And, also, while I hurt with them (maybe even more than they do) as they experience all the pain that this world has to offer, I also feel more joy than I could imagine when I see what God has done in their lives as a result of that pain. I actually saw it this morning and experienced the joy. Sara found out that one of her best friends was in her class and then she recognized how much God had blessed her without her even remembering to ask Him to make it possible. She was so afraid as we walked down the sidewalk and in that brief interaction with Emily she grew in her trust in God. And it was a joyful moment for her, but I wonder if God did it for her or for me. Because it was also a huge reminder to me of God's deep love and compassion for my child and my trust in my Father also grew. And so as I plug on through this very long morning I learn that school is good both for my kids and for me. Praise God that He loves us enough to allow the pain so that we will grow closer to Him.