Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Pressing on...

It is kind of amazing how memories can haunt you...both good and bad memories. Good memories can tend to become better than they really were and consequently make the present seem worse than it really is. Bad memories and the pain associated with them can consume your soul and cause your forward momentum in life to completely stop. I've come to realize this in many ways recently. I don't have a horrible childhood of abuse that I am trying to overcome or tragic deaths of family members, but I think we all have pain in our lives at times and we have to figure out how to deal with those memories. Even little heartaches can cause stumbling blocks in our future if we let them. For example, I have been preparing to run in a 5K in a couple of weeks. As I have shared before running is not my favorite thing to do. I have come to appreciate it of late, but I wouldn't say I enjoy it yet. I enjoy how I feel when I am done and the accomplishment it gives me, but I am not quite one of those people who say "I just have to go for a run to clear my head." The 5K has been a good goal for me as it keeps me motivated to run, but, I have to admit, I. do. not. want. to. run. the. 5K. race. The closer it gets, the more I dread it and it is all because of bad memories. See I ran track in junior high. I ran the 400. I was bad. I think I finished last in every race. I'm sure I probably didn't, but the pain and humiliation associated with finishing last the few times that I did are haunting me. I don't want to feel that again. The last time I ran in a junior high race was at least 24 years ago and it is impacting my forward momentum in life. I could easily say..."I've run a 5K while I was practicing; I know I can do it; there is no reason that I should have to risk coming in last in two week; therefore, I am not going to run in the 5K race". I could let it steal the joy of future accomplishment. That is true for many of the bad memories and pain of my past. I can let it consume me and steal my future, or I can take the words of Paul to heart...."But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil. 3:13b-14.

1 comment:

BreAnna Fowler said...

I felt the same way right before my first 5k. I didn't even run track in school, I was a track manager! Even on the required mile run, I was always the last one in. It was embarrassing for me and I just believed I could never do it. On the day of the 5K, I stood in the crowd thinking, "What am I doing here?"
I think you will find that these kind of events are very encouraging and most people are not terribly competitive. I walked away from that day feeling so proud of my accomplishment and blessed by all those who stood along the route and cheered me on!
Run that race, girl! YOU CAN DO IT.